I Want to Know

We see God through the glass darkly, so let’s clean the glass…

By Lisa M. Meister

There is so much
I want to know
About my Lord
Each truth to sow

In my life
The vision clear
Open ears
So I can hear

I want it all
I’d prefer it now
I mean, why wait
Just show me how

Windex in hand
Some elbow grease
Undarkens the glass
All truth release

How much better
To follow you
When I know
All that you do

With it clear
Your face to see
What can it harm
Closer to you be

But as wise
As I think I am
I bow to you
Your greater plan

And at each kernel
Of truth I find
I marvel at it
It sparks my mind

I take it in
And try to see
To change my life
According-ly

To be better now
Than before
To celebrate
Of you adore

And to think
Of all I’d miss
If I already knew
All of this

So I come
Before you now
And concede
To your way I’ll bow

Tell me what
You’d have me know
Our relationship
Will strongly grow

Until I stand
Some glorious day
Face to face
With you I’ll stay

Arrows

Arrows that hit their mark.

I have lived my past
In constant terror
Pain and anguish
Devilish horror

Why twist it
An arrow create
Straight in my heart
Dead center fate

If you wanted
To deeply hurt
You can witness
Blood on my shirt

Do you rejoice
At what have done
Relish the victory
Claim that you won

Conquer you have
Gloat if you must
You have violated
All of my trust

I have to face
All over again
How I fail now
How I hurt then

I would never
Have believed
So much evil
You could heave

I must talk less
Engage no more
An emotional ball
Left on the floor

By Lisa M Meister

Daybreak

A twinkle of light
The promise of day
Sparkles of thoughts
With the first ray

The trill of a bird
The croak of a frog
Nature wakes up
And burns off the fog

I stand in awe
As the day dawns
God’s big dislplay
Turns the day on

The sky turns to pink
To purple and blue
White fluffy clouds
Float in my view

The colors fade
As in comes the sun
I am amazed
At all God has done

He wrapped for me
This day in a bow
I am at peace
At God’s big light show

I turn my heart
To my great God above
Who has already wrapped
This day in His love

My Bible on lap
I focus on God
He draws me in close
I give Him my laud

The litling peace
Fills up my soul
This day I will spend
God’s plan is my goal

Meadow Walkin’

By Lisa M Meister

The stream flows past an even pace
Though rapid yesterday it was
Sometimes the water is clear as glass
Or murky brown with mud the cause

The meadow’s edge kiss-es the stream
Whatever may be the flow
But no matter how it goes on by
I am safe sitting in the meadow

Green blankets the meadow where I now sit
The sun shines down quite warmly
Happy be the stream that ambles by
So I can bask quite nicely

The flowers beckon me further in
I go to inspect their beauty
The fragrance wafts upon the wind
The bees buzz by so happy

Peaceful am I and quite relaxed
Not much to require my thinking
I realize I have entered in
Where my heart was yearning

I hear a roar and walk back to
My little srteam no longer
White foam as waves’ waters crest
I stare at it in wonder

My attention pulls to the waves
Peacefulness flees yonder
The meadow really stays the same
Yet I eye the flow much longer

I forget the meadow as I stare
My mind dulls and gets frozen
I know not time I’m waste’n here
As if my body dozin’

A gentle tap upon my shoulder
Whomsoever could it be
I turn and see the Good Shepherd
He says come follow me

Into the meadow go I again
Hand in hand with my Savior
The meadow once again brings peace
I want to stay forever

If within the meadow stay
Warm in my Shepherd’s care
All will be well, I’ll overcome
Of the waves I’m unaware

Soldiering Up

It’s time to get tough and be who God wants us to be.

By Lisa M Meister

Sleepily
Tending my life
Evaluating
Where should I be

Sage questions of old
Simmering
Spinning question marks
Trying to grab answers
Out of the air

Philosophers’ pursuits
Poet’s muse
Who am I
To answer
What wisdom cannot

I flip through
The well known pages
In my mind
Kernels of truth sown
Wisdom will impart

God takes me where I am
Not where I should think
He wants me
Wasting time
Scouring my mind
He is enough

Yet still I struggle
Looking back at my path
So wobbily walked
Looking forward
Wanting a soldier’s
Confident march

Am I not God’s soldier
Fearless
Ready for anything
But I tremble
My armor creaks

Today be I strong
Or yesterday weak
I despise the extremes
May I walk Trusting Him
In the continuum

Lord make me
Consistent
As I have never been
Give me strength in my armor
Courage in my heart
Clear thinking
Tangled with your Word

Let it be said
Though I have been weak
I have been strong
Heart true to God
That no matter where
This battle takes me
I am His
And that
Is where I should be

When Words are All I Have

When your power of words escape you…

Words
Have let me down
Again

They
Are my only way
To express
What I feel
And saw
Yet cannot say

I
Craft them
Play with them
Twist them around
Be clever
But I cannot
Come
Close

Feeling words
So fickle
Their definitions
Uninspiring
Weak

Words
Leave me
When needed
Most
I am left
Bereft

Alone
Emotions intense
Will explode
Must express
No words
Come

Words
Cannot express
What I saw
What I felt
Not then
Or
Now

What
Can I do
They are all
I
Have

To sum
I cannot write
What happened
In any way
To understand
Because words
Have let me down
Again

There is a Line

A poem on the journey of healing.

By Lisa M. Meister

There is a line
I did not draw
Stark and bold
Toward it I crawl
There is terror here
It yanks me back
I will not make it
I will crack

There is a line
I can not see
I am lost
In great misery
I really can’t
Go this trek
I am hopeless
Suicidal wreck

There is a line
I am told
You can get there
My hand just hold
But hopeless am I
For what I know
There is no strength
For me to go

There is a line
I do not know
Why it’s there
Or what it shows
But I will work
Scratch and claw
Cry and weep
Give it all

There is a line
Behind I see
When I passed
Is beyond me
Silently
It came and went
I ponder it
What it meant

There is a line
Where terror shrieks
Or sun and peace
The other side speaks
I listen to both
I look into mind
I have decided
To leave past behind

There is a line
That I went over
It was just
One step closer
I watch the line
Grow far away
And live my future
Day by day

Please

The great love of a mother.

So many years
Of silent tears
You did not see
What it’s done to me

My heart it breaks
When yours aches
To fix it all
So you won’t fall

So tiny in
My arms you then
Cuddled tight
Safe each night

But know you grow
When not I know
You think life
As safe, cuddled tight

In you did I show
The right way to go
Why do you fight
Say it’s not right

The path may be small
The gate most of all
But Love, go right in
Where life will begin

Let the truth come out
There be no doubt
Then forward know
God’s path you go

Please, Love, please

Please Understand

Sexual abuse victims have a hard time getting their loved ones and close friends understanding the healing journey.

I look across the ocean
Of this thing called life
I’m sitting in my little boat
The water cold as ice

I paddle left, I paddle right
Until my muscles burning
My little boat, it almost sunk
Because the waves were churning

A ship it gaily comes up by
Filled with my friends and fam
They call to me to hurry up
Not happy where I am

“What’s wrong with you,” they ask of me
“We are going fast
So hurry up, be on your way
Don’t look at your boat, look past”

They’re in a ship I’m in a boat
Their life won’t understand mine
While I silently row and row
They can laugh and enjoy their time

Don’t they see I can’t get out
I’m stuck here in my little boat
If I could be with them, no doubt
I would in their ship just float

But I am here and they are there
This has not been by my choosing
Don’t tell me I should have gotten out
As if in life I’m losing

Please understand, I plead with you
My boat will keep on going
With it I will always be
Rowing, rowing, rowing

Don’t you see can you not hear
How my heart is weeping
So please be kind and realize
Different vessels we are keeping

I am tired and all worn out
Day by day I row and row
Don’t look at me in puzzlement
Why must I go so slow

But slow and steady I must go
While you sail right on by me
I stop and stare and a aware
You can never understand me

By Lisa M Meister

Flashback

A poem about a flashback I had in front of a beloved aunt and uncle.

Silently
I sit in a darkened room
All alone with the pain
Knifing through my head

Silently
I flash through memories
Movies of time past
Ripping terror through my chest

Silently
Tears wash down my face
As confusion twists time
Stealing the present from my grasp

Silently
I hear the whisper
Voices filled with threats
Demonic hisses of days gone by

Silently
My eyes grow big
My body freezes
Violations testifying

Silently
I curl up on the floor
Back against the wall
Warily watching the empty room

Silently
I feel the floor
A wisp of air from the fan
Clutching of my Teddy

Silently
I see where I am
I have embarrassed myself again
Showed others my pain

Silently
I hate myself
They have no context
Insane they must think me

Silently
I throw my Teddy
across the room
Denying my comfort

Silently
Drying my eyes
Painting on a smile
Hopelessly walk out the door