Flashback

A poem about a flashback I had in front of a beloved aunt and uncle.

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Silently
I sit in a darkened room
All alone with the pain
Knifing through my head

Silently
I flash through memories
Movies of time past
Ripping terror through my chest

Silently
Tears wash down my face
As confusion twists time
Stealing the present from my grasp

Silently
I hear the whisper
Voices filled with threats
Demonic hisses of days gone by

Silently
My eyes grow big
My body freezes
Violations testifying

Silently
I curl up on the floor
Back against the wall
Warily watching the empty room

Silently
I feel the floor
A wisp of air from the fan
Clutching of my Teddy

Silently
I see where I am
I have embarrassed myself again
Showed others my pain

Silently
I hate myself
They have no context
Insane they must think me

Silently
I throw my Teddy
across the room
Denying my comfort

Silently
Drying my eyes
Painting on a smile
Hopelessly walk out the door

9 thoughts on “Flashback

  1. I think this was written beautifully. Unfortunately, I can relate to this so wholeheartedly. You capture the experience well. I think this is so important to share. I recently had a conversation with someone who had no understanding of what a flashback was, or why it would be so difficult to deal with. I was left searching for words, trying to explain what it’s like. I wish I had this then.

    I’d like to think that when the people I love are involved when I am dealing with flashbacks that it gives them an opportunity to learn, and to exercise empathy. Of course in the moment I am embarrassed beyond belief, but part of what I want in the world is more understanding, more empathy, more safety in dealing with trauma. Perhaps that’s a gift you gave them- and certainly you are giving to others by sharing this here. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, thank you Jessica. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you felt the same. Wow, I had never thought of the flashback as teaching those around us. That makes me feel better. I need to hear how others see circumstances in my life, because I am too close to figure them out myself. You seem much better at that. That will speed up your healing ๐Ÿ˜€

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I think I’ve learned more about healing while interacting with other survivors than I ever would have otherwise. I’ve had the privilege of knowing some really beautiful human beings who have gone through terrible things, and have been gracious enough to share with me what they’ve learned.

        Liked by 1 person

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