Pour Me Another Cup of Coffee

God is Good

If you joined me for a cup of coffee, we would sit on my front porch and I would catch you up on my blogging. You are probably wondering why my blog is all over the place. I like creative writing, talking about God and Bible, homeschooling, life, poetry, and on and on, all through the lenses of God being good.  I am all over the place because my mind just works that way. You can ask my husband. He got his PhD so he could try to follow the logic behind my mental gymnastics, only to find them not logical at all. He still kindly tries to stick with me to the point of where I am going, but by the time I get there I tend to forget what it is.

I never liked coffee until a couple years ago when I had a bad asthma attack and…

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There is a Line

A poem on the journey of healing.

By Lisa M. Meister

There is a line
I did not draw
Stark and bold
Toward it I crawl
There is terror here
It yanks me back
I will not make it
I will crack

There is a line
I can not see
I am lost
In great misery
I really can’t
Go this trek
I am hopeless
Suicidal wreck

There is a line
I am told
You can get there
My hand just hold
But hopeless am I
For what I know
There is no strength
For me to go

There is a line
I do not know
Why it’s there
Or what it shows
But I will work
Scratch and claw
Cry and weep
Give it all

There is a line
Behind I see
When I passed
Is beyond me
Silently
It came and went
I ponder it
What it meant

There is a line
Where terror shrieks
Or sun and peace
The other side speaks
I listen to both
I look into mind
I have decided
To leave past behind

There is a line
That I went over
It was just
One step closer
I watch the line
Grow far away
And live my future
Day by day

Rabbit Recognition Award

The Rabbit Recognition Award

Thank you, Lottie, for nominating me for the Run Recognition Award! Lottie runs a blog called Run Rabbit Run  which I highly recommend. She can be found at runrabbitrun.wordpress.com . Lottie is a survivor of Satanic Ritual Abuse and courageously and strongly blogging about it and writing a book that will come out soon called “Run Rabbit Run”, which I will definitely be buying.

It is hard for someone to step up and tell others that they are a sexual abuse survivor, but to say that they are an SRA survivor takes a lot of courage. Lottie has inspired me to be more vocal in my blogging world about ritual abuse and dissociative disorders. She is active on bloggers who are talking about sa, sra, and did, encouraging and instilling energy. She has a love of life and wants to share it with others.

Even if you are not a survivor, reading her blog will inspire you. Everyone has difficulties in life, and reading about what she has been through and how she has handled it will be worth the read to help you through your life.

This award is especially exciting because it is the first time I have been nominated for one! Hence, I have no idea how to run this or to place an award. So hang in there with me while I give this my best shot.

I started blogging in January for the first time ever. I have loved writing since second grade, took some writing courses growing up, and published an article and Sunday School Curriculum. Then I homeschooled four children and had no time. Now I have one child left to school and time to start something just for me. That is how I started, and that is why I post in so many different areas. I really enjoy the entire process and have met so many people that I greatly admire.

If you are a new blogger, welcome. The whole process is very overwhelming, but learning is a step by step process. Stick to learning one thing at a time and move on. You also learn so much by visiting other blogs, following them and getting to know them. But most of all, have fun!

MY NOMINATIONS:
These nominations are for the courageous bloggers I admire for their work with survivors of abuse and their healing:

https://emotionsoflife2016.wordpress.com

https://positivelypeculiar.wordpress.com

https://patriciajgrace.wordpress.com/

https://stillbeloved.wordpress.com/2015/11/29/trauma-restoring-faith

https://trippingovertypeset.com/

https://bethanykays.com/

https://writingandalcohol.wordpress.com/

https://ipbchigi.wordpress.com/

https://amourdreamer.wordpress.com/

https://tellingheavysecrets.wordpress.com/

https://brokenfingernails.com/

https://couragecoaching.wordpress.com/

https://tellingheavysecrets.wordpress.com/

https://fromthedarkintothesunshine42.wordpress.com/

https://brilliancewithin.com/

Congratulations all my friends. Many of you I have just met for the first time and fell in love with your blogs. Keep up your good work and thank you for caring so much about others.

 

Here goes, let’s see if I did it correctly…

 

Please Understand

God is Good

I look across the ocean
Of this thing called life
I’m sitting in my little boat
The water cold as ice

I paddle left, I paddle right
Until my muscles burning
My little boat, it almost sunk
Because the waves were churning

A ship it gaily comes up by
Filled with my friends and fam
They call to me to hurry up
Not happy where I am

“What’s wrong with you,” they ask of me
“We are going fast
So hurry up, be on your way
Don’t look at your boat, look past”

They’re in a ship I’m in a boat
Their life won’t understand mine
While I silently row and row
They can laugh and enjoy their time

Don’t they see I can’t get out
I’m stuck here in my little boat
If I could be with them, no doubt
I would in their ship just float

But I…

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Please

The great love of a mother.

So many years
Of silent tears
You did not see
What it’s done to me

My heart it breaks
When yours aches
To fix it all
So you won’t fall

So tiny in
My arms you then
Cuddled tight
Safe each night

But know you grow
When not I know
You think life
As safe, cuddled tight

In you did I show
The right way to go
Why do you fight
Say it’s not right

The path may be small
The gate most of all
But Love, go right in
Where life will begin

Let the truth come out
There be no doubt
Then forward know
God’s path you go

Please, Love, please

You Have Got to be Kidding!

What do we do when we don’t see God’s big picture?

Everybody identifies with poor Gideon. There he was, fearfully thrashing his wheat in the middle of the night, minding his own business, when he had an encounter with the Lord. Then God got a little crazy, he called Gideon a “mighty man of valor”, and everyone knew that wasn’t true. Then God calls Gideon to get the Mideonites out of the land.

God must have known what he was doing, but Gideon didn’t. So he had a couple questions while he had God’s attention for a few minutes.

  1. Oh my Lord, if the Lord be with us, why then is all this befallen us?
  2. Where be all his miracles which our father’s told us?

“But now the Lord hath forsake us, and delivered us into the hands of the Midianites.”

Gideon had good questions. He didn’t understand what was going on in their country and why God hadn’t fixed it. He really was confused.

God doesn’t answer Gideon’s at all. He just tells Gideon what to do. God said, “Go in this they might, and thou shalt save Israel from the hand of the Midianites, have I not sent thee?

God doesn’t always give us the answers we want. Sometimes we are angry with Him for not intervening. But God just doesn’t answer our questions:

Deuteronomy 29:29 says

“The secret things belong unto the Lord our God. But those things which are revealed belong unto us and our children forever, that we may do all the words of the law”.

Some questions God answers, and some He doesn’t. So when life is rough and you are thrashing wheat in the middle of the night so the enemy doesn’t find you, remember this:

God ALWAYS has a reason, and His reason is perfect. Just trust. Gideon did and look what happened to him!

Taken from Judges 6

Tattoos

The sad results of childhood emotional abuse.

By Lisa M. Meister

“Life’s not fair”
He always said
Not it’s locked
Inside my head

“You are lazy”
He would say
Now I think
I’ve gone that way

“You are fat”
His smart remark
In long run
I hit his mark

“You don’t think”
With it a glare
With that one
I really don’t care

“No big deal”
He did spout
All conference shortstop
My heart did melt

“My money wasted”
On my education
Cut me down
On graduation

“God’s not good”
Is where he stood
To understand
I never could

“You are faking”
Was his take
When on bedrest
Baby’s life at stake

The lies he spouted
Out I see
I should forget
Then I’d be free

Yet they are there
Tattooed on me
Where they cling
Eternally

The “I Have to Teach What?” Meltdown

How can I teach science when I can’t light a bunsen burner?

I can’t light a bunsen burner. If there was anything that could have failed me in high school, that was it. My friend Becky and I were a team and both terrified of the burner. So one of us would turn on the gas and the other would light the match. Then there would be this HUGE flame, terrifying both of us, and the one with the gas would turn it off instead of down. No flame. Over and over and over… Mr. Crowell, our teacher, would just watch us and laugh. When we ran out of matches, which was a weekly occurrence, he would have to go to his office for more.

So how in the world am I equipped to teach chemistry when I can’t even light a bunsen burner? Well, there were some other issues, like refusing to touch anything that “we” were dissecting. I always zeroed in on one of the basketball players whose grades were on the line. I’d tell him: you dissect, and I’ll do the write-up. The offer was never refused. Strategy was more up my alley, and my science career honed that craft.

I imagine you think you know where I am going: when you are a homeschooling mom, you are just going to have to bite the bullet and get it done. But you forget that I am queen of getting out of science strategy. My strategy: have someone else teach them. So obvious. In our homeschooling community there were several parents very good at science, like in degrees in science good. They didn’t like teaching English so well. So……we had a wonderful solution.

But we moved, 700 miles away from all my brilliant science moms. I have one child left, and she is going into 9th grade this summer. I don’t have any brilliant homeschooling science moms around. And there my perfect strategy bombs.

So here I am, it’s July, and Biology is breathing down my neck. What’s even worse, my daughter is looking forward to dissecting (she did not get that from me). So I am going to get a DVD course, mess up her experiments, and get her brother to help her dissect. (He really got into it in Biology, enjoying squishing eyeballs at the other homeschooled girls).

My point to all this drama is this: homeschooling moms do not need to drop out when their kids reach high school because of fear. I homeschooled my four children, and three of them are doing great in jobs and college. The fourth has a few more years left. My science failure did not become theirs. Remember that you took all these classes in highschool, and somewhere inside you all that information is waiting to come out. If you feel you didn’t get taught well enough to teach it to your children, then why send your children to the public school to get that very same kind of education you got? If you have solid reasons to send your high school student to school, that is fine. But if it is because of fear, take a breath and don’t panic. I suggest strategizing.